Distraction and Diversion

To start off,
My phone has changed
Been using it for like four years
An upgrade from the keypad to the smart phone
And its a Samsung Galaxy S2, definitely not the most "in" thing we're expecting
That very shortlived exhilaration off getting a newer phone
In the past, the changing of phones were so exciting
Strangely, this didn't affect me much

Maybe I've changed

It's been a year since I've set foot in this school
I was expecting a better life
A journey to adulthood
But as I've grew
Troubles, woes had never failed to locate me
As my mum grows older, she nags more often
And yea I do appreciate her concern
With the competitive environment I'm in
Everybody started working hard to achieve better grades
And I'm somehow coerced by them
If grades didn't proved well
I'll somehow stay back and catch up
Endless worries
They'll stay for one more year with me
To be honest I'm sick of this environment
But I need to adapt to changes
And somehow what motivates me is my future
They are my stakes
And taking the As is akin to a "show hand"
Can't really afford to lose
Grit my teeth for another year I guess

Now I've been trying to break free from my former friends
In hope of finding friends which are the more outgoing type
To maybe spice up my life
Maybe because of my secondary school life I'm a lone warrior
At least they could provide some sparks in my life
Feels good actually

In another note
I've recently purchased many games such as Assassin's Creed Revelation and Skyrim
I still have tons of games yet to be completed
Due to my never ending piles and waves of assignment
Maybe I bought them because I just wanted to hide in the virtual world
Indulging in it, while hiding away from reality
I could still vividly remember when I first confessed to a girl I was playing Naruto
I'm too scared that she would reject me
In the end, she really did
But when I was on the verge of crying
I played on, to stash that flow of tears somewhere
In the end I still cried, albeit there was a delay, the impact was softened
Still, I might be a coward
Now I'm still purchasing games

Am I still hiding from the reality?
After thinking seriously for the past few days, it is
Not because of family, not because of grades, neither was it about friendship (This mostly applies to girls I guess?)
It's still about love affairs
After since that rejection, I have never seemed to move on
Is it a mockery?
It's not the lingering effect, due to the fact that I can't let go
Let's just say...
I still value her...
Recently I've heard from my best buddy
He told me that she had broke up
To be honest, I'm sort of happy
Then again, mixed feelings
I've been like shoving away this topic in my brain for 3 years
I've still not confronted myself about it
As of writing now, I'm confused
Even my best buddy have told me
Your school has so much girls
Why can't I just pick one?
Yes yes there are some pretty and good girls out there
I don't know It's just me
They don't click with me
Should I just see a shrink
Or get me a pill which can dissolve my memory to vitamins
Up to this point, I ain't get a clue on what's next
Even if I've wanted to talk to her again
I doubt I could break the ice
Highly in doubt
I've lost the common topics and such
And she might not even bother me
But it is bothering me
Oh well
Maybe I should just turn in

And push back to another time
When I had the chance, I decided to give up
Wrong move because I'm regretting it now
If time would reverse, I'd stand up and try again
But I doubt I'll get this chance
If things are mine, no matter how far I am, they'll come back to me

Time for another round of gaming, for tomorrow